Finally I got up the nerve to practise my cello.
I haven't played since I was six or seven months pregnant. I was worried about a lot of things - whether I could even make my fingers work anymore, how I could find the time with a lovely yet energetic little baby to look after, how playing music would fit into my new life, whether I could stand how far backwards in technique I'd slid and where I'd find the energy to go forwards.
Thanks to Elaine, Emily and Autumn who have been commenting about playing whilst having a family and Emily's encouraging words about her students.
So with Elliot in his cradle-chair thing facing me I set up my cello and tuned it. A deep breath.
It wasn't so bad, you know. Some long bows revealed my bow changes are whuffy and inexact. Scales were a bit fuzzy intonation-wise but progressively improved just in the five minutes I spent on some easy two-octave majors.
I played through the two Bach Suites I had been working on, and a quick look at a movement of the Vivaldi. Interestingly, the things I had spent ages practising - certain interval quaver passages, the feeling of the Bach Courante - were still pretty solid. Passages I had run unendingly were still under my fingers. I've really only had that unthinking playing ability on the flute before, no cello pieces had just happened. It's so imprinted in your muscle memory you can come back to it 10 years later (say) and still play it pretty well but if someone asked you what notes they were or what the fingerings were there's no way you could explain without thinking hard. Which is terrific for when you're performing and freak out - it's almost like your instrument plays itself.
By the same token, things I had been struggling with - some funny fingerings in the Bourée I never quite got down comfortably, ditto with the Courante - had me stumbling massively. Just another reason why half-practising something doesn't get you anywhere. The moment you aren't concentrating or something distracts you, it all falls apart.
I don't think I'll have a solid hour together to practise in the next few months... okay let's be real, I may get 15-20 minutes at a time. I'm not sure how to really work effectively like this, but I'll have to learn. I can do this - and most importantly, I want Elliot to have a mum who does this. Amazing how motivating that is.
